I've had a terrible week (and please note this was written before Friday's Roe v Wade news).
Sometimes I think the universe is testing me. Hey - you want to lead a workshop on Managing Change With Grace? Well, let's see how you handle this mess. Does your approach still work? Can you still keep it together?
Do I still want to wallow? Yes.
Have I been significantly less patient with stupidness? Hell yes.
Am I sitting most of the time unshowered in my workout clothes and a Gino's baseball cap watching HGTV? Of course.
But I didn't drink wine (for over 480 days now) or have one of my famous late-night junk food binges.
Self-care and leaning on others.
Within minutes of the event that derailed everything, I was reaching out to my support network. And later when action was no longer necessary, I walked three miles, took a bath, ordered salmon for dinner (omegas are amazing), and went to bed early. And every day since, no matter what, I've done something for myself (and spent most days working in the garden - which looks amazing btw).
When in crisis, we have to take care of ourselves first so we can make the next best move. And keep applying self-care so we can do the next best thing. And the next.
What does self-care look like? It is unique for everyone. For me it is eating regularly, limiting caffeine, sleeping, taking a walk, listening to happy music, creating, playing or singing music, mulching a flower bed, or whatever keeps me busy so I don't wallow.
Because even though wallowing feels good - it's not helpful. Things will get better. Largely because we eventually accept what is happening - and set up healthy boundaries.
You know this - but here it is again - we cannot change what others do we can only change ourselves.
We have to set up limits. Take a pause or exit from people who do not support us, stop trying to control situations, and stop pursuing addictive behaviors which only make things worse / last longer (including drinking, taking illegal drugs, eating cheese puffs, and social media).
Instead, as Pema Chodron says, we need to make ourselves stronger - by eating healthy, sleeping, and feeding our souls with light.
Then we will be able to do the next best thing for ourselves, those we love, and the universe.
It's not easy - but we can do it.
Hope this is helpful.